Why Stop at Massive Economic Growth when Infinite Growth Is within Reach?

Editor’s Note: Although The Daly News is known for its commentary on the limits to growth, we are willing to consider other viewpoints. That is why we invited Professor Milton Mountebank to submit regular columns. He graciously accepted our invitation, citing it as “an opportunity to educate both the naive and the ignorant masses who genuinely believe the earth is finite.” We are fortunate to have him, especially in light of his recent prize in economics.

by Milton Mountebank

My colleague at the National Review, Jonah Goldberg, recently penned an article, in which he starts down the road with a sure step but then falters and ultimately stumbles over his erroneous notions about economic growth. I provide some subjective commentary below, but I also offer an objective economic analysis to set the record straight. I have devised a nonparametric econometric statistic, normalized on a scale from 1 (utterly false) to 10 (unassailably true) that rates the veracity of each of Mr. Goldberg’s premises (in the interest of conserving ink, I shall refrain from reproducing the 17-page formula here; in any case, it is likely that readers would find it well beyond their comprehension).

Premise #1: Gandhi’s mantra, “Live simply, so that others may simply live” is patently absurd. Simple living has no benefits, only consequences that begin with poverty and end with death.
Mountebank’s veracity rating (MVR) = 9.944511299
Mr. Goldberg is right on target with this assertion (note the unprecedented MVR). I am confounded by the fact that Mr. Gandhi and his simple living ethos remain in discussion to this day. What did Mr. Gandhi ever do to deserve such attention? I suspect that we have revisionist history to thank for the prolonged acceptance of his philosophies. As for simple living, I submit that every single person who has ever aspired to a simple life has ended up in the grave.

Premise #2: Steady staters (especially prominent ones like Paul Ehrlich, Herman Daly, and Joshua Nelson) are a paranoid lot who hate markets and freedom nearly as much as they love vegetables. They wish to impose a centrally planned totalitarian regime such that you and your family shall starve and/or freeze in the dark.
MVR = 9.287732215
Although the accuracy of this premise is significantly high, I feel obligated to consider one point of contention. I do not know how extensively Mr. Goldberg has sampled Herman Daly’s work, but it is my suspicion that he has not delved as deeply as I have dared. I have held both my nose and my temper (in check) while forcing myself to read a substantial portion of Professor Daly’s writings. And to his credit, he does assert the usefulness of the market for allocating goods that are both rival and excludable. One might conclude, therefore, that some proponents of a steady state economy want only a semi-totalitarian state.

Premise #3: America’s reforestation, the decrease of lead and sulfur in our atmosphere, and the removal of some contaminants from our waterways prove 2 points: (1) our environment is the picture of health, and (2) unfettered markets are the key to sound environmental policy.
MVR = 9.973997123
Cheers to Mr. Goldberg for regaining his footing! No doubt taking a cue from my paper, How Infinite Planet Theory Disproves the Existence of the Environment, he has applied an appropriately large discount rate to the findings of conservation biologists, climate scientists and other charlatans who squander their time studying concepts that have no bearing on labor productivity or the liquidity of credit default swaps.

Premise #4: There is no role whatsoever for scientists to inform the economic policies of a nation.
MVR = 5.256662588
Mr. Goldberg begins his downward spiral with this questionable assertion. Surely he knows that economics is the most significant, accomplished and influential of the various fields of science. It is imperative, therefore, that economic scientists dictate all national and international policies. Let us consign the skills (such as they are) of second-tier scientists (e.g., those who rely on inapplicable principles of physics, chemistry and biology) to the development of marketable gadgets and weaponry. With proper roles assigned for first- and second-tier scientists, we can achieve the most important goal of human society: unbounded growth of gross domestic product.

Premise #5: America desperately needs massive economic growth to pay off our debt, sustain our entitlements, and continue to improve the environment.
MVR = 3.113419845
Unfortunately, with this premise, Mr. Goldberg undermines his formerly formidable argument. It is entirely true that we need economic growth, but it is entirely false that we need “massive economic growth.” Perhaps if he had read my book, Infinity and Beyond: The Magical Triumph of Economics over Physics, Mr. Goldberg would know that America desperately needs infinite economic growth. He comes across as a true Malthusian willing to settle for the massive when the infinite is within reach. With infinite economic growth, we can roll over debts forever and ever and ever. We also need infinite growth (and then some) to cover the entitlements coming to me, Mr. Goldberg and our fellow economic elites. And finally, with the riches of infinite growth in hand, we can put the last nail in the coffin of our pesky environment — we shall no longer require an environment in which to live.

Premise #6: When the proponents of infinite (or at least massive) economic growth victoriously proclaim, “I told you so,” those who question growth shall be annoyed.
MVR = 1.034110990
After beginning to unravel his thesis with the previous 2 premises, Mr. Goldberg dismantles his entire argument with premise #6. We shall not annoy the steady staters; we shall enchant them. They shall be in awe of us, sufficiently stunned by our supernatural capacity to banish all ecological limits. I have no doubt that one day the steady staters shall recognize the folly of questioning infinite economic growth and repent. They shall put aside their dreary doomsaying (along with their “facts” and “evidence”) and join us in the magical triumph of economics over physics.

Dr. Mountebank is the John Q. Beelzebub Professor of Economics at Fantasia University.

Mountebank Wins Nobel for Infinite Planet Theory

by Rob Dietz

Few people have read the dense volumes published by the economist Milton Mountebank, but his work has affected you, me and every single person on the planet. Dr. Mountebank has revolutionized economic thought, and now he has been recognized for his singular efforts. Yesterday at a gala reception in Stockholm, Sweden, the chairman of Sveriges Riksbank, Peter Norborg, presented Dr. Mountebank with the Nobel Prize in Economics for his lifetime of work on infinite planet theory.

In his presentation of the award, Mr. Norborg stated, “Dr. Mountebank has demonstrated imagination and inventiveness beyond what the rational mind can comprehend.” Indeed, it is because of his theories that we all do what we do economically. Nations strive for continuous GDP growth and endless expansion of consumption thanks to infinite planet theory. Mr. Norborg went on to say, “All of our banks, including Sveriges Riksbank, owe him a huge debt. We finance  economic expansion. Our actions and decisions would be morally suspect if we lived on a finite planet.”

In a light-hearted moment during the presentation, Mr. Norborg asserted that Dr. Mountebank had provided an even greater service to humanity by reducing stress on individuals. “Best of all,” he said, “is that we can extract, consume and digest resources guilt-free. Planetary constraints have been conquered. They have gone the way of the dodo, the Roman Empire and the world’s major fisheries.”

Reagan's nod to Mountebank, etched in stone at the International Trade Center in Washinton, DC. Photo by Rob Dietz

Although Dr. Mountebank’s books have failed to reach mainstream audiences, his work has been highly influential among elite political and corporate leaders. Ronald Reagan is a prominent example. President Reagan once famously said, “There are no limits to growth and human progress when men and women are free to follow their dreams.” That’s a close paraphrasing of Dr. Mountebank’s conclusion to his magnum opus, Infinity and Beyond: The Magical Triumph of Economics over Physics. Phillip van Uppington, former vice president at Lehman Brothers, asserts that Dr. Mountebank was a huge influence on his firm. “We used to quote him all the time. One of the highlights of my career was the symposium I arranged a few years back with Mountebank and Milton Friedman. We called it ‘Double Milton Day.’  It really opened our minds to the possibilities of innovative finance. Once we implemented the double Milton doctrines, we made more cash than most small nations.”

In his acceptance speech, Dr. Mountebank told the story of how he developed infinite planet theory. “Equations, equations, equations,” he said, “I would see them dancing across my eyelids as I laid down to sleep.  In the morning I would wake up and write them out. I did this for three straight years until I finally put it all together.” The centerpiece of Mountebank’s mathematical demonstration of the feasibility of infinite growth is his conjury equation, a recondite multivariate differential expression that, by common agreement, is understood by fewer than four economists in the world. “It’s why I’m standing on this stage today,” Mountebank said. “Unfortunately the equation is too long to fit on the screen behind me, but it’s the key to infinite economic growth. Fortunately, though, you don’t have to be an economist or a statistician to use it as a guide for your daily actions.” Dr. Mountebank continued by holding up a globe in his hand and stating, “We all recognize that the earth is a sphere, and from basic geometry, we all understand that a sphere has no beginning and no end. If you set out in one direction on the surface of a sphere, there is no stopping point—it’s infinite.” He spun the globe and walked his fingers around it to prove his point. “Q.E.D.  No end.  And that means it can be infinitely exploited for economic gains.”

Dr. Mountebank. Photo by Derrick Tyson.

Infinite planet theory has gained almost unanimous acceptance in economic circles, but there have been some vocal critics. On the day of the award ceremony, a small band of protestors formed a picket line outside Sveriges Riksbank. One protestor was carrying a sign that said “Steady State.” When asked why she was protesting, she said, “Mountebank? You can’t be serious. They should give the Nobel to Herman Daly.” Dr. Daly is known for his work on the limits to growth and the steady state economy, concepts which fly in the face of infinite planet theory. The Club of Rome provided the original critique of the theory when it published its bestselling book, The Limits to Growth. In his writings, however, Dr. Mountebank has dismissed the notion of limits. One of the passages in Infinity and Beyond says:

The end of cheap oil, species extinctions, climate change, deforestation, resource depletion, crippling poverty, loss of ecosystem services, soil and aquifer degradation—these are trifling problems, so long as we continue to grow the economy toward its ultimate size: infinity and beyond. Under no circumstances should we allow creeping thoughts about a finite planet or constraints handed down by universal physical laws to get in the way of building a bigger economy. And certainly we should shut our ears to the dreary doomsayers who continue to rain their inane facts upon our parade of growth. Growth, alone, is the moral and political ideal.

Dr. Mountebank ended his acceptance speech on a personal note, observing how infinite planet theory had soothed the fears of his young grandchildren. He said, “They told me they were scared about what was happening to the environment. I patted their little heads and told them not to worry.  After all, you can’t harm nature on an infinite planet. By definition, there’s always more.”

Dr. Mountebank is the eighth Nobel laureate in economics from Fantasia University.